Thursday, June 11, 2009

Stress of the Load

Ok, today, I am just giving it "off the cuff". No brilliant strategies, methods, theories, hypotheses, research questions.......just stuffy noses, diapers, potty training, house that needs cleaning, food that should be prepared for dinner. Yesterday, I just escaped to the movies and it was glorious. No phone calls, no yelling of mommy, commeeer!, no disciplining, no cleaning up, no feeding, no reading, no papers to write, no e-mails, nothing, just me with a big soda in a dark theatre. It was blissful!

I will confess, the stress as of late has been closing in on me!!!! We sold our home back in 2005 and never re-purchased. We just finished a lease and did not want to re-sign and so we have just packed up and moved to a temporary place while we put together a new game plan.....ok, I will say the word, strategy. We need a new strategy and I have drawn up a few different business plans to pursue. We have a contracting business in the construction industry, I am also a MonaVie distributor which I am working over a long-term plan to realize real financial success with this, however, the moving in the midst of kids and class was a HORRIBLE decision. It caused great distress and I am struggling with some internal turmoil and trying to exhale. It happens to the best of us I know......we can't have the rainbow without the rain.....

My way of dealing with this was to a) get away from it all for a couple of hours, which I did....b) pray and ask for peace and direction, keep praying......c) re-focus on the things that are truly important to me like the relationships with my children/family. I rank moving underneath the stress of losing someone you love. I once had a c-section in the midst of a class during my MBA and came back to finish the class with flying colors and that was easier than moving an entire household in the midst of a class and regular life activities and working etc.....

We all struggle, we all have difficulty adjusting, we all have stress. I am working to handle it with integrity, however, I do occasionally feel like the teapot with boiling water and there is a crack in the body of the teapot and the boiling water is leaking out and burning myself and others. Living in a place that is temporary and not knowing the direction in which we are going feels unsettling. So I must look inside myself to determine how being settled would help my mental and emotional state.

I am going to try to imagine and envision the perfect state of harmony in my life, what it looks like, what it feels like, and adjust my expectations and goals so that I may now pursue bringing those things into fruition.

Keeping it honest and keeping it real.

I will focus on the things I have completed and what I do well and remind myself to celebrate my personal wins and not to focus on the lack or chaos in my life. Work in progress.....